Christmas and Children

I have to say that my favorite part of our Christmas celebration this year was watching my kids open their presents. Even the little one at 9 months was so excited about his new cat tractor. It was really priceless. However, I have decided Christmas is a lot of work when I have to send out the cards, prepare all the Christmas meals, bake the cookies, desserts, and fruitcake, decorate the house, and on top of that wrap ALL the presents including my own! I don't think I have ever known exactly what was in every present before. My special present was a new set of Henkel forged knives that I won at my husband's office party!

Head Lice, Sleep, and Skinny Kids

This week started off with an email from the teacher that makes you scratch your head. It was a notice that a child in preschool had head lice and that we were to check our children for lice before returning to school. The notice included a long list of precautions including that we were to notify them if our child had been diagnosed with head lice. How do you get diagnosed with head lice? Don't we all know what they look like from our childhood? I certainly did, but I wasn't going to tell the teacher. Unfortunately I did find a couple nits on W's head and treated him with a natural lice treatment of coconut oil, tea tree oil soaking on his head for two hours and then a rinse with apple cider vinegar. Apparently the oils kill the bugs and the vinegar loosens the nits from the hair. After a late night long procedure, I dried his hair and combed out any remaining nits. It appeared to work since I was able to comb a few more nits out with the nit comb. The next morning there were no nits in his hear from my close inspection, so I have complied with the school's "No Nit Policy"! On Wednesday, the next preschool day, all the mothers milled around like nothing had happened. No one mentioned the lice. No one asked, "Did you guys have it?" "Did you have to do a treatment?" The teachers didn't mention it. It was hilarious! It was almost like the email never went out.

I can't believe I'm actually writing this in the morning! This week O has been sleeping about 7 hours at a stretch at night, and I have been enjoying the benefits. Last week I was at my wits end after he woke up to eat every 2-3 hours. He is 8 months old and he was waking up like a newborn.

W hasn't been eating much lately and you actually see his back ribs! It worried me so much I sent him to bed with a big cup of milk and a promise to get up in the morning and make him a big pile of eggs.

Can you actually grind espresso bean so small that it turns into powder? It tastes like I'm drinking coffee beans. Yuk! Why is it so hard to make a simple cup of coffee? Why can't I make something as simple as a decent mocha every morning? I hate paying $5 for a cup of espresso. Oh well, I guess I will be really wide awake after my coffee bean puree.

Above the Fog?

Sometimes I wonder if the occasional glimpse above the fog can pull me through. Last week the literal fog was so heavy during the morning and it wouldn't start burning off until early afternoon if we were lucky. I drove to a trailhead where I was to meet some other mothers walking with their kids, and as I was winding up the mountain road, suddenly the sun started shining through. It was so bright that I had to stop and dig out my sunglasses and readjust my eyes to the brightness. We hiked or walked at a snail's pass as most mother's were carrying infants or dragging two-year-olds along. The kids loved the frozen puddles and had to stomp on every one of them. I had a nice conversation with one mother who had recently moved to town as the sun warmed my face.

A couple nights ago I saw the strongest aurora or northern lights that I have ever seen. It was so bright that I could sit at my dining room table and watch the lights dance across the sky over the mountains. It was so mesmerizing and the only thing that tore me away from it was my pounding headache from lack of sleep!

Lately it feels like I'm pulled in so many directions, sometimes it is self-inflicted and sometimes it comes from my mother or other family member. My mother keeps telling me that I need to get the crib adjusted or the baby is going to fall out. I tell her that my husband has to do it to make sure that it is assembled correctly and she tells me that I need to tell him to do it. I feel like telling her to butt-out. Anyway, my parents have been here for four weeks and I think my husband is very worn from visitors. I understand since the same thing happened to me when his parents came for several weeks.

My four-year old has been becoming more and more frustrating. Nobody tells you about the terrible fours...it makes the terrible twos seem like a walk in the park. I know that a lot of his bad behavior is a result of life events this spring and summer, but at the same time he seems tired and I can't get him to nap anymore. If I try to get him to nap he always wakes the baby up with upteen questions.

Occasionally I bask in the glow above the fog but more often than not I'm doggedly struggling through sleepless nights. I feel sad about the loss of our family in the east and the struggles with our four-year old.

Messy, Messy, Messy!

Do I need to explain? This is what happened when K's daughter got into the board games! They were all mixed up and strewn all over the floor.

Seasons

I love the changing seasons! We have two seasons, snow and no snow (what we call summer) and then little squigets of fall and spring in between. Fall has its own quick burst of color. The bushes in the front yard have turned a fiery orange, the trees are yellow, and the grass is still very green. To us it is also firewood chopping time...and visions of toasty warm fires come to mind.

Expectations

The nine months leading up to the first year of motherhood were filled with great expectations, lots of excitement, planning, purchases...such was the way are backpacking/hunting trip went. We thought we had everything planned perfectly, but we didn't expect to walk at a pace of 1 mile per hour much like the first year of motherhood! The hike in was 10 miles long and yes it took 10 hours with the last four hours struggling through rain, wind and a muddy trail. Our four-year old was beyond pooped. We had taken a stroller in order to carry the caribou in and it turned out to be a nightmare to push on the trail. If it hadn't been for our sherpa friend we would not have made it. With a crying baby and a tired four-year old we finally made it to the cabin by 8:30 that night! The next day we hiked again in the rain another four and half hours to the beautiful lake in the next photo. By the third day we had figured out that it was pretty hard to hike with our little ones, but we greatly enjoyed the views and the nature around us. A black bear appeared to have visited our second cabin at the lake at night, but we never saw him. We saw lots of animal tracks, but since our little ones are so noisy, the animals seemed to stay clear of us. By the fifth day we knew what to expect and this is much like my fifth year of motherhood. Expectations have been lowered...I don't tackle big projects or try to put up with very little sleep. Last night I got up three times and then they both woke up at 7AM! I'm in a fog this morning...

Preschooler Graffiti

Imagine walking into your living room to find your favorite, comfy, red leather chair (that you purchased long before kids) turned into a new drawing surface for your four-year old! Or imagine finding your couch cushions striped with finger nail polish? Oh, and did I mention their hands, arms and legs were covered in pen and finger nail polish? Next post will describe the miles and miles of walking...

Tall, Grande, Venti, and Trenta....

A couple weeks ago while ordering a Venti Iced Carmel Macciatto, I noticed that starbucks drinks can come in Trenta sizes! Wow...thought a venti was pushing it some time ago. I used to order tall drinks until number one came along, then moved up to grande, and now with number two I've surpassed that and have moved on to venti. Ya, I didn't say that..isn't that terrible?

Caribou Hunting

Several years ago I thought it was ultra adventurous to take an infant tent camping. Now we are going backpacking with an infant and a preschooler to go caribou hunting for five days!. This wouldn't seem all that crazy except the trail is known as bear corridor. These critters aren't just little California brown bears, these are giant brown grizzly bears. Anyway my grizzly bear nightmares have started up again. The wolves, lynx, wolverines etc shouldn't bother us. Luckily we are going with a friend and sleeping in rustic wooden cabin huts. The logistics are insane... for example, if we bring a caribou home (the meat and antlers) there will be 100+ lbs extra to haul home on a 13 mile-trail. Then there are diapers to pack, warm clothes, rain gear, food, hunting gear and, the list goes on....I hope it is fun and not as challenging as two kids on a 10-hour plane ride across the atlantic!

Green Goo

Today was the intro day of preschool for my oldest, and it was almost like we hadn't been gone for three months. His favorite teacher is back and he didn't want to leave when it was time to go. Life was starting to be so much more positive lately until my MIL sent my husband an email today detailing ever little item (about 20 items) she was sending to the kids. The history is that she doesn't like me and made it realy clear at her house for the funeral this summer. I was so shocked and hurt that I didn't know what to say other than ask why and leave as soon as possible! For the last five years I thought we were friends and got along pretty good. I appreciate her sending the items (at least the school clothes) but why the detailed list? It makes me feel like she thinks I'm going to take them and hide them, but if her son sees the list, she can somehow make sure they get them even down to the candy and green goo!

Rhythm of Life

Rhythm is something I crave so much...I love to have predictable nap times, preschool times, bedtimes etc. and it is always a struggle to establish regular times. I can't think of any job out there that drags you out of bed at 2:30 am and then 4:30 am and then all day long and repeat. Maybe a fire fighter has a similar schedule, but then he/she gets to sleep for a long 24 hour period every couple days. I think mothers should get the same 24 hour break every few days. Mothers are always putting out fires of screaming kids, hungry kids, muddy kids, grumpy kids, messy diapers at all hours of the day and night. On top of all that there is a messy house to clean, screaming goats to feed, shedding dogs to feed and brush, hairy cats, frog tanks to clean, bills to pay, business to run and meals to prepare. Preschool is starting soon, and that means there will be more rhythm and schedules happening so that maybe I can squeeze a space for everything to fit in.

Espresso

It is so marvelous because I have a mocha in front of me and my two kids are in bed at the same time. It is always a miracle when that happens. The older one was up at 4:30 this morning, so I really hope he sleeps. My three shots of espresso will really go a long way, so I hope to get to some piles today. Unfortunately the dishwasher broke yesterday, so I now have a pile of dishes to go with the other piles. Ahhhh, I need a pile vacuum.

The Piles

Not only is life foggy when you can never get to the bottom of the laundry pile or the mountain of bills and paperwork on the desk or ever really clean anything in your house, but it gets really foggy when death claims the life of a loved one and shrugs off the shroud of perceived peace in your family. Sometimes I feel the need to hunker down into the life our family of four and not venture out.
On to a happy note, a 5-month-year-old old smile is so bright it can light up your world like sun shining through the fog.

Foggy Tunnel

My neighbor once told me that the first three years of motherhood are like being in a dark tunnel as your life becomes so turned upside down and your sense of mental survival is stretched. I decided it is more like a foggy tunnel to me, because it isn't really a dark time of your life but one that is ensconsed in an enveloping fog. I always feel like the fog line is just out of my reach as my lack of sleep, growing backache (from picking up my new 20-lb baby), family stresses, life junk keeps piling on...My blog is just my experience of this fog and my hope that I will reach above the fog line and see my old self again.